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CrazyPuy
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Name: Paul Patrick
Country: United States
State: California
Birthday: 9/4/1981
Gender: Male
Interests: staying healthy, cooking food, reading books, finances, meeting new people, deep conversations, ice cream, Zeta Phi Rho Inc.
Expertise: boredom, randomness, asking questions
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  CrAzY PuY
Member Since:
3/2/2004
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| i use myspace and xanga to spy on all of you in a convenient way by
reading my subscriptions and catching up on all of your lives because
im too lazy to pick up the phone... hows that for an update?  | | |
| Verum Inter Ego
Recent events have occurred in my life that have consequently started a chain reaction of thought and self reflection… as of recent life has become mundane and boring… colors seem so much less vivid… food has become bland… life has just lost much of its flair to me… realistically speaking nothing has changed in the world… there has been no event that has altered the fundamental principles of life… it’s just my perception of things that have changed…
I’m always on the search to find things that will revitalize my outlook on life… to find those reasons that make life worth all the troubles and headaches and sorrows… but right when you think you have a bead on life and have found the things that make you happy and make it all worth it… your entire existence is shattered and left broken…you begin to question life’s little truth’s that you’ve always taken as is… you even being to question your own personal truth’s and philosophies as well…
So my personal truth you may ask? the truth is simply this… ever since I was a child I have never been a major deciding factor in the decisions that I make in my own life… I live to help those around me as best as I can and as I see fit… I barely do anything for myself as a direct result of my childhood or rather a lack there of… the details of which are not meant for this entry… my happiness has always ensued from the smiles and emotions of those people whom I care about… I’m inconsequential and the only thing that I can do to make use of my life is to serve those around me… that is the mentality I have grown up with ever since I was given the ability of coherent thought…
So what happens when everything you’ve ever known about yourself dramatically changes? how do you deal with the possibility that maybe you do matter and that maybe you’re not as useless as you’ve grown up to think? how do you deal with all the new possibilities that have opened up for you? more importantly how do you deal with finally being opened us as a person? how do you deal with a change like that? but then how do you deal with losing the reason for all the positive change?
Think what you want to think, do what you want to do, and feel what you want to feel… in essence an embodiment of Carpe Diem… never letting any opportunity pass you by and taking all that life has to offer… but what if even then that’s not enough? I guess I’ll just go back to being that child again…
Is it better to have lived in darkness all your life… or have known the brilliance of light and lost it? | | |
| im starting to think that i was very very wrong...
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| first off... puahahaha!!! im feeling very random today... might be a
case of the friday's where the lack of sleep and rest catch up to me
and make me just a little more delirious... but yes... very random
today...
reading back on my previous entries it does seem like i may have
emotional problems... not in a typical sense but in a sense where one
day i can be an extremely happy person and the next it seems like
i could care less about anything thats going on... so really though...
i dont think i have bipolar disorder or anything... everyone goes
through this kinda thing right?
i never really think about myself... not in a selfless kinda tone...
but i dont reflect on myself as a person too much... i dont take stock
in my strengths and change my short commings and weaknesses as often as
id like... maybe i should.. know what you're worth kind thing... get a
clearer persepective on who i am you know? but then again... too much
self reflection isnt that good all the time...
muay thai training back in effect... i get a little annoyed when i go
to the arc ready to hit the bag and the rooms are super full and the
only free time is the last slot of the evening... i dont have time to
waste... im trying to be serious here... so a couple of questions
arose... whats the point? honestly i dont know... i dont plan on
entering in fights again... i dont plan on doing exhibitions... i dont
plan on being a little trouble maker anymore... so really whats the
point of retraining? i guess its just to know that i still have "it"...
and when do i know when im too injured? thai fighters arent too fancy,
they arent too acrobatic and the art in general teaches you to deaden
pain and embrace it... it can get to the point where ive broken my shit
and didnt know until i went to the post fight doctors check up... "you
have a couple of broken ribs and youve received compound fractures to
your left leg in two different places"... yeah i feel it.. but i dont
respond to it... so maybe i shouldn't be retraining as hard as i used
to.. iunno...
she's going to be leaving for the summer... oh crap.. just when things
seem to be progressing and im starting to get a bead of how she acts
and works and thinks and feels and how she responds to my reactions...
but what can i really do? nothing really... just go with the flow...
the summer is going to bring what it does... so if we hang out during
the summer then all the better... if not then when she comes back and
if we still feel the same way about each other then maybe we can pick up
where we left off... and if not... what can i really do... at least i
would have made a new friend right? at least i tried right? go with the flow... though she is
worth it all... let be whatever is meant to be...
graduation is coming up... for those of you that are graduating dont
feel like your life is ending and that youre losing your friends... if
ive learned anything since graduating is that yes you do pick up a 8 to
5 and yes your carefree days are over... but all that adult stuff makes
you cherish the free time you do have.. especially on the weekends...
make the best of whats out there and experience life... it makes you
want to go out and play more if anything... well at least for me... i
still continue to hang out with the close friends that i have... i
still continue to party till the wee hours of the morn... though i
suffer for it the next day... i still continue to make new friends and
meet new people... i still have new and exciting experiences to look
forward to... dont feel like youre losing anything... your life is
what you make of it... so what are you going to do with it?
end novel... haha... maybe... puahahaha!!!
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